Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Everyone needs believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.